Our Last Hope
by Wuhan Lin
Summary: Kaneki wakes up in the world of Shingeki no Kyojin after his supposed death in chapter 142. Follow Kaneki as he makes one last attempt to fulfill his greatest wish. Spoilers for both series. No pairings/OCs. GRAPHIC. Slightly AU w/ Canon Diversion. Monthly update. Written out of order (for some reason). Chapter Order is: 1,2,3,4,7,5,6,8,9
1. A Dream?

**Hey guys, welcome to **_**Our Last Hope**_**. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So how Kaneki gets here will be revealed a little later, please bear with it. I've got writer's block on that part. I don't own Tokyo Ghoul or Shingeki no Kyojin. So… Are you ready, get set, GO!**

_Chapter 1: A Dream…?_

Kaneki didn't understand. He was sure he was dead, yet he was floating in a world of eternal blackness.

_Is this were ghouls go after death?_ Kaneki asked himself as his eyes scanned for anything besides the dark, cruel black.

_There!_ Kaneki saw a faint line, a line of no color or shape that split the world like the horizon. Curious, Kaneki made his way over there. Just as he reached out to touch the line, it widened and engulfed the world of darkness with a blinding white light.

Kaneki gasped as his eyes snapped wide open. He was in a field of grass peacefully swaying with the wind. The sky was clear.

That didn't matter the Kaneki. All he knew was that he was alive. He was happy to breath the fresh air again, to stretch our his limbs (kagune and kakuja included).

The white-haired youth broke out of his thoughts about relaxations when a consistent rumbling in the ground appeared. A heavy aroma filled Kaneki's nostrils that smelled almost better than human flesh.

A shadow fell over the boy, and he turned around to see a giant looming figure reaching down for him with a sadistic grin. Immediately, Kaneki activated his kagune and launched up towards the creature and quickly beheaded it.

To his surprise, the head began to regenerate. Kaneki faltered for a split second before swing around to the back of the creature.

After an hour of crippling the… thing, he finally killed it. I turns out that these things' weak spot was the nape of their neck. Kaneki satisfied his hunger before settling for the night in a tree.

* * *

Whoosh! An abrupt burst of air woke Kaneki. He snapped his eyes open and was already preparing to activate his kagune. That is until he noticed the humans.

They soured through the trees using a machine that propelled them into the air by latching on to tall objects. Troops were patrolling through, a separate group setting up what looks like a trap.

Using his ghoul senses, he discovered a female-gendered creature of the species he had killed last night. The only difference was that she seemed to be intelligent, unlike the mindless thing he killed last night.

_I better get out of here before I get caught in this mess,_ Kaneki considered. He decided against it a second later; he wanted to see what happened.

It seemed that the giantess was successfully captured the moment she was within the trap. Unfortunately, that was not the case.

The giantess suddenly let out a scream that almost exploded Kaneki's ears. That was when hundreds upon hundreds of giants clambered into the forest, ignoring the troops an dead set on devouring the giantess.

When it seemed the troops were failing, Kaneki finally set into action. He activated his kagune and jumped into the chaos.

Within 10-15 minutes, all the giants were devoured by the boy.

"What- " A couple of people were asking. "That boy, he obliterated the titans like they were nothing!"

Kaneki smirked as he landed on the female titan's blonde head, kagune visible.

"So these things are called titans… Eh?" He asked. A couple of people gasped. How could this boy not know what titans are?

Then again, this boy may not be human, as he has a strange looking eye and weird tentacles sprouting out of his back.

Kaneki smirked once again before tearing the nape of the Female Titan's neck apart in a flash. He was slightly shocked to see a girl dangling from one his kagune's tentacle.

"You're different from the others," he said.

"W-Wait! Don't kill her; she important!" a blond boy shouted out.

Kaneki shifted his gaze onto him, "What makes you think I'm going to kill her?"

The blond gulped at that and fell silent. Kaneki proceeded to throw the girl into who seemed to be a captain of some sort.

"Take her," Kaneki said. The captain stumbled as the girl landed perfectly in his arms.

"Wait! As Commander Erwin Smith of the Survey Corps, I decree that you must return to the Walls with us!" the cap -no- commander of this Survey Corps said.

Kaneki didn't take notice of this; he was already shooting away when he heard the man say "with us!". The boy's kagune elongated, reaching out to grab trees and propel himself away. **(It's kind of like 3-D Maneuver Gear, but with kagune)**.

"Squad leaders, Eren, after him. I want the boy detained and on the way back to the walls with us!" Erwin shouted. Immediately they all launched after him.

They rounded around Kaneki and attempted to slice Kaneki's kagune. Repeat: attempted to. Every time they tried to pierce his tentacles, Kaneki would liquefy the area it was aimed at so that it slid cleanly through.

What he didn't expect was a blow to the head. Kaneki lost altitude as the world swirled around him and he went berserk, almost activating his kakuja. He full to the ground, unharmed.

The last thing Kaneki remembered before he blacked out was Erwin ordering to take him back to the "Walls" and prepare for interrogation.

**OK, enough with the flames you guys are (maybe) aiming at me. I'm sowwy, alright! I had some writer's block for my other Tokyo Ghoul story. It should be fine by tomorrow or sooner. Well… gotta go, ciao!**


	2. Arrival

**Ummm I know I haven't updated in a long time and I wish I can make it up in some way. I have been extremely busy with Regent exams so I haven't been able to update. To make this up, I wrote a long chapter for both my Tokyo Ghoul stories. I hope you guys enjoy! Disclaimer: I don't own either series P.S.: Please go to bottom for important notes.**

_Chapter 2: Arrival_

In a distant world, there stood a kingdom, the last human-ruled kingdom that is. Considered a safe haven where the last of humanity still stands, this kingdom is surrounded by huge, towering walls of brilliant white stones. The perfect image of a peaceful, prosperous nation, is it not?

This assumption couldn't have been more wrong. Behind the three grand walls, a dark and twisted nature resides within. This nation is built on cruelty and divine selfishness.

And deep inside the walls, a young man sat with his head down, in a wooden chair. From the angle we see him in, it is quite clear that his hair was a brilliant white. Oh wait, let there be a correction. This young man was not exacting _sitting_, as in leisurely relaxing, no, he was unwillingly strapped to it.

This man, whose name we all know as Kaneki Ken, is currently unconscious. Judging from the slight bulge on the back of his head, we can guess how he came to be in such a situation.

What a silly man, to mess with the Military only lands you stuck between a rock and a hard place, many thought. But there is, as always when it came to this man, a catch. He came in, knowing he could easily get out. It all depends on his choice, does it not?

* * *

A light groan escaped Kaneki's mouth. His eyes fluttered open as he stirred awake. As his eyes took in his surroundings, he allowed himself a little chuckle. Had he been hanging around Tsukiyama too much? It wasn't like him to underestimate humans to the extent that he would actually allow himself to be captured.

Of course Kaneki had pondered about what would happen if this did happen, but he hated to admit that he did not actually think too much into it.

_So what move do I make now?_ Kaneki furrowed his brow. Perhaps he really should have thought deeper into the consequences of his actions if he just went around carelessly flashing his kagune like it was some holiday.

_Should I play human or just bust out?_ No, he couldn't play the role of an innocent human, they have already seen his, ah, "_extra limbs_".

But he couldn't just bust out either, as much as he hated being in this _same goddamned chair from the pits of he -_. Kaneki quickly shut out that thought. Instead he focused once again, on whether to get out this very moment and just rampage out of this prison or not.

He never got the chance to.

The large iron door that was clearly the exit creaked open. Kaneki quickly wiped his face of all emotion, his face morphing into a stone mask, and lifted his head up. A tall man with a ridiculous mustache along with a short, black-haired man strode in with an air of importance.

Kaneki made no comment or indication that he had registered their appearance. His eyes were stony cold and devoid of anything, to be honest. The black-haired man's eyebrows twitched upwards slightly, as if he was surprised about something. It, however, went unnoticed by most as the movement was ridiculously miniscule.

"Before we begin your interrogation, I highly suggest you cooperate with us. I do believe you know what the consequences are if you do not?" the short man said in a bored manner. His hands held a two-page document that was most likely the list of questions he would be asked.

Kaneki sharply nodded his apathetic expression still present as ever. Well, it appeared apathetic to his interrogators. He even showed no fear or nervousness as a metal tray was wheeled in.

A wide assortment of "toys" were present. Kaneki was briefly reminded of the bloody tray Yamori had showed him to install fear in him. The ones presented before him now were still not as frightening as Yamori's by a whole lot.

"Since you will most likely be dead by the end of this conversation, I'll introduce myself," the shorter of the two men stated as if he was reciting lines. Kaneki thought that this man was quite like him in some ways. He was also short, cold, and poker-faced practically 24/7.

"I am Squad Leader Levi Ackerman of the Survey Corps and this thick-headed dolt behind me is Vice-Commander Kitts Woerman from the Garrison," he looked up to meet Kaneki in the eye. Woerman gave Levi a hard look in response. Kaneki suppressed a laugh from exploded out. **(I have no idea about the spelling of his name or rank please excuse me if it's wrong)**

"Shall we begin?"

**Whoop whoop. Did I mention I love cliffhangers? This was one looong chapter (for me to write). It may seem a bit sort because of the way I formatted the chapter, I'll take care to fix that a bit so it's easier for you guys to read. I have also to write small omakes that while they may seem irrelevant, I can guarantee that it WILL hold a huge role towards the path Kaneki takes. No, they will not be funny as I have been told over and over to have a twisted and horrible sense of humor. They will hold some dark themes that may not always be apparent. That reminds me, the next chapter is going to have quite a lot of blood and gore in it. Brace yourselves. [Review answers down below]**

**I want to write Akaneki scenes so I'll probably start a Tokyo Ghoul one-shot collection sometime.**

**Omake 1: Glass Breaking**

It was a dark night. The stars where overridden by the street lights, a lone motorcycle zooming down the road outside.

I couldn't sleep.

I rolled over to my right side, trying to get comfortable. A moment later, I twisted left to stare at the clock. 3:00 A.M.

I groaned as I rose into a sitting position. Something wasn't right. I didn't know what, but nothing felt right.

I slipped out of bed to gaze out the glass wall on the far right of my room. As I approached it, I laid a single hand on the brilliant glass.

In an instant it shattered. I fell backwards, eyes snapped shut, my arms raised to protect myself from any stray falling shards.

When I opened my eyes once more, I found that I was unharmed. But I wasn't happy at all. Why did it hurt so much?

Then I realized what had happened. There was glass in my stomach but no matter how much I wanted it to go away and sleep, I couldn't. **No matter how hard I tried.**

**Answers to reviews:**

**** .73**: Thank you for the constructive criticism! I tried to work as you suggested I should do. I am not exactly good with fight scenes as I make up quite the complex ones but I'll try my best to write satisfactory fight scenes for everybody! I want to take character development a bit slow so I think I might speed it up a little seeing as it doesn't seem to be successful at this pace. And the fast pacing this is a habit I'm trying to break. I used to write only short stories you see.**

**Anon: Thank you for the feedback, I think I'll fix the first chapter to make things a bit more clear. I was a bit exited at the time and wasn't thinking too clearly so I suppose it reflected onto my writing. No, I am not trying to make Kaneki overpowered or happy-go-lucky. I apologize if I didn't really show his inner feelings too much but I'm planning an omake chapter about his inner feelings and whatnot. As for the overpowered thing… you'll see in the next chapter XD.  
**

**Kaioo: What I am going to say is the same as what I told Anon above, I'm re-planning and fixing the first chapter. It won't affect the storyline too much, seeing as how we are only in the shallow waters of the story now. The summary also states that this story is a little AU so you'll have to wait until next chapter to see. XD  
**

**Tontonte: Your wish has been granted. XD  
**


	3. What the world has become

**I posted this chapter some many days late because I have put a lot of effort into this one. Consider it a generous Christmas present. As much as I love horror and tragedy, I absolutely suck at writing any bloody or gory scene. And yes, I handle blood and gore to the point that the death scenes in Another will not and will never faze me. Also, I made a Wattpad! Actually, I've had one for a year but I didn't know what to do with it. So, I decided to put the short horror stories that I write from time to time there. The name is Somarihana, same as here (tho it might not show for some reason).**

**GAhhhhhh I ranting agains. (Notice that grammar is wrong on purpose). There are more VERY IMORTANT notes on the bottom.**

_Chapter 3: __天个飞机_

In an iron-cold room, silence was not common. That's why _all_ the men, save for one, raised their eyebrows in silent shock. Oh wait, let me correct my mistake. _Two_ did not do so. One was openly gaping; the other was holding back the smallest of smiles.

Our white-haired protagonist had not even let out the slightest noise. No matter was the fact that the tip of his pinky finger was dripped in blood. The small sound of a black nail hitting floor was not left unnoticed.

A short man was holding a pair of metal pliers in his hand. His hand shook ever so slightly, something that Kaneki did not fail to notice. There was no scream.

Ackerman quickly gathered his composure, which had slopped limply around him. Woerman saw and made a hasty attempt to bring his splattered self together again. Like how a cracked egg cannot be pieced together once again, he failed epically to do so.

Kaneki once again had to hold back the intense urge to lift the corners of his mouth. Yes, he was shocked that he was injured, but like how a ghoul cannot survive a fall from the top of a skyscraper, he can be injured in other ways too.

Kaneki almost furrowed his brow in thought. It was true that his skin could not be cut my any metal besides quinque metal… But was his skin wasn't cut, was it not?

Yes, it appeared to be quite obvious to Kaneki now, that since his nail was _yanked out_, it would make sense that he would bleed. The pain was most definitely not of much pain; it could be compared to a paper cut, however a deeply cut one.

Kaneki just wanted his boredom to go away.

* * *

Levi Ackerman was terribly frustrated. He'd pulled out all the boy's nails but yet no sound had escaped his mouth. Not one muscle moved, except the lazy shifting of his eyes as the boy's nails were taken, one by one. Crimson blood squirted out from the wounds and onto the black tiles.

Ackerman repeated the questions over again:

"What is your name?", "How old are you?", and "What are your intentions"?"

He was met with a firm silence.

Ackerman resisted the urge to wipe his brow. He would rather not get blood in his hair.

He shot Kaneki a glare. He didn't even bother trying to hide his anger, his emotions overriding his personal wishes.

Did he mention that this boy had a _ridiculous regenerative speed that bested Jaeger's_? No, he must not have.

In any other circumstance in which knowledge of titan shifters where not in his possession, Levi may have been surprised. Not that he wasn't surprised about the existence of such a person with a strange eye and eight tentacles.

If it wasn't for this abnormal regenerative ability, Levi may have been tempted to admit that he may have been hallucinating or anything of that sort. Of course, he is too prideful to admit that to anyone…

Ackerman snapped out of his thoughts. Woerman was reaching for the knife on the platter. Levi opened his mouth to protest, but was interrupted by an angry look shot his way.

"If pulling his nails out won't make him talk, we'll just have to cut him until he gives up!" Woerman screamed as he hefted the knife far above his head.

Levi sprang from his seat, trying to stop him. _It's too early to do that_, he wanted to say. His eyes widened as he saw Woerman's hands point the knife downwards. Levi was frozen in place as the knife plunged down. Levi just looked away, bracing himself for the all-too familiar sound of cutting flesh and an ear-piercing scream.

_Plink_. No scream no sound of torn flesh. Nothing but the sound of metal clattering on the floor. Levi heard Woerman make small stuttering gasps. Slowly, Ackerman brought himself to look at the cause for Woerman's extreme shock.

When Levi's eyes registered what was before him, he was tempted to hyperventilate too. There was no wound, no blood, and no emotion written on the monster's face.

Levi glanced at the twisted and distorted knife on the floor with slight fear. He gathered himself for the umpteenth time and turned to face the monster.

"Tell me. _Who are you?_" Levi forced out. He was rewarded with a smile that looked so foreign on the face of the monster that held the shape of man.

"I thought you'd never ask. My name is Kaneki Ken. Nice to meet you."

Levi couldn't get that smile that seemed so _carefree_ (of all things) and _wrong_ out of his mind. In a split second, however, Levi decided that this was a perfect opportunity. As much as he hated to admit it, his uncle's words were of some use to him.

"Hello, Kaneki Ken. Would you like to join humanity in its war against the Titans?"

**Aaaand that's that. This was one very long chapter, almost twice as long as the last one (I think). This one took me twice as long to do so maybe? Eh. Now, time to get serious. I WILL TELL EVERYONE NOW THAT KANEKI IS NOT OP. And **_**that**_** is Final. As for omakes, I **_**highly suggest**_** that you read them and try to decipher them as I put a lot of effort into making it mysterious and puzzling. And YES, they **_**do**_** play a role in the story. Speaking of hidden messages, the Chapter titles will now contribute to story development and foreshadowing. There will be literary referencing in the future, so please be prepared. **

_Omake__: No Omake because it's 11:17 at night and I'm half dead._

**Review Answers:**

**Nissangtrlover2596: You are 100% correct. Yes, Kaneki has been in pain for way too long for that to affect him.**

**Misminor: Ah… I think the way I wrote it may not be all to your liking, as the torture methods come straight from the manga (I'm not sure about the knife tho) [Agghh that spoiler… I'm sorry ;_;]. I apologize if I didn't meet your expectations.**

**Bob is Life: Thank you for sticking by and for the reminder! (I feel so wanted). Also, I do believe that they would bend and twist most times than break… (It was in Tokyo Ghoul manga).**

**InsanityPie: Wow! I'm so glad that you wrote so much for me…. I be very flattered. Very nice prediction about Levi's reaction you have there, congrats! Also, Yamori used steel tools. He just injected Kaneki with RC Suppressant to take away his ghoul strength and durability away. Also Kaneki, while he is strong, is not going to be all that OP to the point that he can do whatever he wants. Even those without many physical limits have mental ones.**


	4. They lie in their eyes

**I designed a new cover for this story. I hope everyone likes this one better! Full version is on my Paigeeworld, you can find my username on my profile. Disclaimer that everybody knows: I don't own anything. Can I hear some theories and story analysis in the review please? ;) thank you thank you~!**

_Chapter 4: __我个心爱你了_

Kaneki lifted his hands up to his collar to rearrange his collar. His frustration was steadily growing as the button kept coming loose. Kaneki hated to admit it, but it was becoming harder and harder to maintain his trademark poker face.

Kaneki subtlety let out an air of annoyance as he straightened up and glanced at his reflection in the mirror once more.

_I assume you'll make yourself presentable before you meet the others? _Kaneki remembered these words directed at him. Kaneki could swear that the goddamned midget, not that he wasn't short himself, knew that he would be annoyed with this measly piece of fabric.

Who made this shirt anyways? The fabric felt as if it was meant to be loose and comforting, but Kaneki just felt a bit claustrophobic in this garment. Did he forget to mention how large the button holes where?

Kaneki shoved his emotions away, turning to face the door. He let out an exasperated sigh before he opened the door and walking down to the lower floor of this stone castle. The fact that he is supposed to live in a _castle,_ of _all things_ didn't make him feel any better.

Oh, right. There was the irritating fact that they wrote in English but spoke in Japanese. Kaneki could already feel a headache coming in. He was glad that he was a minor in Foreign Language. He had heard of Stephen King's works and had wanted to read the original, not the translations.

Kaneki reached the large set of wooden doors that were too elaborately decorated for his liking. He adjusted his collar once more before gently knocking three times.

"-and speak of the devil. Please come in," an unknown voice said. Kaneki proceeded to push the door open.

Kaneki was met with a room filled with many people. He took notice of the wide variety of people with the ethnicity of different parts of Europe. Italian, Russian, Greek, _German_. He only found one with the same oriental features that he held.

Her unnatural blue-grey eyes seemed to bore into him. Kaneki decided that he should steer clear of her. Her eyes reminded Kaneki of his own self too much.

"Everyone, please welcome our newest addition to the Scout Legion," a man with striking blonde hair said warmly. The man, who was clearly the leader, gave Kaneki a small encouraging nod.

Kaneki did not return it.

He made his way over to the wooden table occupying the majority of the people. He took the empty chair that was obviously reserved for him.

A boy with extremely short hair that held a resemblance to a monk piped up.

"Ka-Kaneki Ken, was it?" The boy was given a slight nod in response.

Kaneki's eyes stared at the plate of mashed potatoes and rice in front of him. There was no meat.

"He-hello, I'm Connie Springer; nice to meet you, Ken," Connie started. His voice tore through the tense atmosphere. He smiled awkwardly as he held his hand out to Kaneki.

"Please address me as 'Kaneki'," Kaneki said in a quiet voice. He didn't shake Connie's hand.

The tense atmosphere had been dispelled, however temporarily. People started to warm up and ask him questions

"Where are you from?" "What is your opinion on Titans?" "What are your interests?"

Minor, trivial questions like that. There was one question, however, that held a subject most were too afraid to touch upon. _What was your history?_ Or, to be specific, any question that wasn't vaguely related to his past was not spoken out loud.

And then—

_That_ question was asked. It was inevitable, that one curious person would touch upon his history sooner or later.

"Did something happen in the past?" somebody started. When everyone glanced at him, the boy blushed and stammered, "I-I mean, he is kind of c-cold and I just wondered if something bad happened…" He blushed some more and held up his hands in embarrassment.

_Clang_. Everyone in the entire room quickly snapped their heads over to Kaneki. He had dropped his metal spoon and had started to shake, ever so slightly, to the point that it could not be seen unless one was a ghoul. He stared down, his face expressionless.

A wave of emotion washed over him and he struggled to keep up his apathetic face. He thought of his mother, the way he'd tried to cope with everything, past the memories in the room in which he lost everything, to the night he gave up and fell asleep. He let himself have the pleasure of a small nostalgic smile as his eyes pricked and started to blur.

He blinked away the foreign feeling building up behind his eyes, in his heart, and _stabbed into_ his brain and soul.

In the end, he managed to lift his head, his eyes stony cold as ever. He cupped his hand under his chin and replied in a hollow monotonous voice, "No. Why do you ask?"

Darkness descended earlier than usual that night.

**This was hard to write, to be honest. Ishida hasn't updated Tokyo Ghoul: re, so I don't really have the fresh feeling of angst and the angst that comes with the biting realizations when I look back for any foreshadowing. Also, references from Tokyo Ghoul: re will start to leak further into this story, as our Kaneki is the one that had accepted everything and let go of the false realities and personalities he brought out to cope with everything. I suppose he is the current Kaneki (Akaneki) but with a bit more emotion (you'll see the emotion part). Oh geez, I get shivers of excitement going up and down my spine thinking about writing the Akaneki scenes that appear in this story (whoops accidentally let that out please ignore).**

**Then there's the excitement of seeing everyone's faces when****— (whoops please ignore once again)**

_Omake: Lycoris Radiata_

A field of flowers, the smell of blood,

Red is angry, black is a monster.

And what is white? The bliss of sleep.

The colors turn orange,

The leaves fall,

It's beautiful, isn't it? Autumn.

It hurts, it hurts.

'Till I know no more,

And I fall.

Blindly, I embrace sleep.

**So yeah... poems are my soft spot. I think everyone knows what this freestyle poem is about, right?**

**Review Answers:**

**Steelvulture: Kaneki wanted Levi to act on his own, not by the orders of some random higher-up.**

**Jy24, Kuroyuki no Ryu, WanderingWatermelon, Itharax, Crazyhorse1774, Guest: Ahhh thank you so much. ^^/**

**Luna demonaica: Mucho gracias, Señor(a). Yo estoy feliz porque tú gustan. ;)**

**Skeleton Girl: I'm very glad that you liked. I read your story, seems interesting. I might adopt it, but knowing me, I'm going to shove it somewhere because I have a very short attention span.**

**Lizzybear54: Ahhh here is your next chapter. XD**


	5. Bonus Chapter: Phlegmatic

**Here is an omake that I wrote but ended up too long, so I made it a bonus chapter. I hope you guys enjoy! Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**

**Also, there seems to a bug in which I cannot see the reviews. Please PM me if you have something very important that you want to say to me.**

_Phlegmatic_

Kaneki swirled the water with his hand. He was sitting against a tree, his hand dipped in the pond. Green foliage was scattered around him. From a distance, one might assume that he was very relaxed, maybe even happy. But the truth was far from that.

Kaneki was deep in thought. His heart felt something that he had forgotten the name for, and he was unhappy because of he had forgotten. His eyes slightly squinted in frustration as he watched the water churn and flow.

His eyesight blurred suddenly and he had to blink to clear his sight again. This had happened a couple times after the talk that day at dinner. After that day, however, the biting pain in the back of his eyes had faded.

A hand suddenly grasped his shoulder and Kaneki twisted to face the person that had somehow managed to sneak up behind him.

"You- you're the Titan boy, right?" The green eyed boy smiled sheepishly as he lifted his hand off the other's shoulder.

"S-sorry for bothering you, Kaneki. I'm Eren Jaeger, the 'Titan boy'," The boy replied.

Kaneki relaxed and told him it was fine. He turned back to stare at the water, his hand now withdrawn from icy cold pond. His eyes suddenly held some strange emotion as the softened.

Kaneki spoke, "What do you want?" His voice was soft compared to his usual apathetic voice.

"I want to help you"

Kaneki just turned his head to stare at Eren.

"I apologize, Jaeger-san. I do not understand what I would need help fo—" Kaneki was cut off by Jaeger's hands suddenly grasping his shoulders.

"Stop lying to yourself! You're hurting; holding the pain in wouldn't help at all!" Eren yelled at him. His eyes were filled with concern for the older male.

Kaneki just looked at the ground, avoiding Eren's eyes. His face was forced into his trademark poker face. It was quite obvious that he was struggling to keep up his cool façade.

Kaneki's expression finally showed on his face as it turned dark. He lifted his arm and pushed away the other's hands from his shoulders uncaringly. He glanced slightly up, his hair hiding his grey eye. The one visible bloody red eye clashed against Kaneki's white hair, pale skin, and white schlera.

He was angry. Kaneki stood up abruptly and strode back into the castle. Eren suddenly realized that he should not just stand and watch so he darted after Kaneki. He caught up to Kaneki when they reached the hallway of Kaneki's room.

"Hey—" Eren reached out and put his hand on Kaneki's shoulder in an attempt to stop him. His arm was shoved away in a rough manner.

"What do _you_ know _anything_ about _me_?" Kaneki shouted. It became very clear to Eren that he had stuck an extremely sensitive nerve in Kaneki, one deeper than he had intended to dig into.

A guilty look flashed across Eren's face before he retaliated harshly.

"Well, _I'm sorry_ for _being a good comrade_ and _worrying_ about _your sorry ass_!" Eren snapped back. He began to walk away before stopping midway to jab one more insult.

"And I'm _pretty sure_ that _you didn't_ have to see_ your mother brutally murdered_ in _front of you_!" Eren was starting tear up by now. He hadn't meant to get this emotional. He turned to walk away again before he heard a small but distinguishable sob.

"A-at least, at least your mother loved you and d-didn't, didn't h-hur—" Kaneki was letting a single tear fall from his cheek. Eren, who had turned when Kaneki started talking, was in shock. He could guess what Kaneki was saying and immediately regretted saying what he had said hastily earlier.

Eren opened his mouth to apologize to the older male. Kaneki ran into his room and slammed the door. He hadn't even given Eren a chance to take it back.

Eren closed his mouth, pulling his lips into a thin, grim line. His hand formed a fist, for he was angry at himself for hurting his comrade when he had meant to help. As he turned to leave, he glanced somberly once more to see if Kaneki had come out.

The night was filled with cold silence.

**Errr… I swear I did not pull this out of my butt at 10 O'clock at night. This was a random thing that I wrote late at night because the idea had been lingering for a while and also because Ishida is late with Tokyo Ghoul: re. I personally say that this was a failed attempt at angst… please forgive me for this.**

**[Reminder] Review answers: None because of a stupid glitch. PM me if the message is urgent.**


	6. Piety

**This is 100% late. I got caught up with watching the new series **_**Mr. Robot**_** and playing Aura Kingdom. I also learned that doing an IIM paper at last minute is a stupid idea. Pardon me?**

**I'm also writing everything out of order, did you guess that? Yes, no? Sorry not sorry *evil smile* Disclaimer everybody knows already: Don't own anything.**

_***Important beforehand note: Hange or Hanji, I DON'T CARE. Both works for me.***_

_Chapter 6: Piety_

Kaneki Ken woke up to the sound of a low rumble and a sting in his back. He responded to the pain first, assuming that he had let out his kagune sometime during the night and had gotten a tentacle or two squished or cramped up somewhere.

He peered out behind him, expecting to see a mass of red branching out from his back. He was say nothing but empty air behind him.

It was when he heard the second rumble that he realized that he was starting to get hungry. He wanted to face palm as he was practically presented with a feast in this world but he couldn't kill or eat even one of those inside these god-forsaken walls. Sometimes he had wondered why he himself was so determined to have his wish fulfilled but he always ended up swallowed by a wave of memories.

Kaneki sighed as he slipped out of bed and into a dress shirt and pants. The real question was why he felt that mysterious sting in his back. Kaneki sincerely hoped that he wasn't hallucinating again. He dived into the memory of that pain.

Kaneki turned towards the cabinet on the far end of the wall and reached for the lowest drawer. That's right, Kaneki realized, it wasn't really a sting. It more like a_ slap_. Kaneki's eyes widened with realization and struggled to figure out what had triggered _that_ memory.

As he furiously thought, he grabbed a velvet case stuffed way in the back of the drawer and snapped it open. Kaneki took a deep breath before he lifted the white crystalline stone with his left index finger and thumb. He briefly remembered sneaking that piece away from the site were that crack in the wall appeared.

Kaneki shoved his thoughts on _that memory_ to the side as he pondered what had happened that day at the wall was real or just another strange hallucination. He held his right thumb to the jagged end of the stone and pierced the skin.

A small drop of blood formed on the cut and stained the white body of the crystal.

Kaneki shut his eyes, letting out a slow, deep breath. Now that he had checked to see if his suspicions where correct, he wasn't sure what to feel. Should he feel happy? Kaneki feels that he should, but yet, that feeling refuses to touch his heart.

He snapped his eyes open. In one quick motion, he stuffed the crystal back in its case, back into the dark confines of the bottom drawer.

He swiftly turned and strode out the door.

* * *

Kaneki wasn't sure what to expect when he was told that Wall Rose had fallen. He hurried up to the roof to see, scanning the area for the direction of attack. Over there! The sun is starting to set over that way, so the direction the Titans must be advancing from is the South!

He quickly ran back downstairs, shouting to all that were situated in the lower floor. He let out in a loud commanding voice, "The Titans are approaching from the South, distance 500"

He paused to take a sharp breath. He feature hardened and his shoulders tensed slightly.

"You don't have time to don your full combat attire. Get on the horses on the double; go around the neighboring villages and get the villagers to evacuate immediately," Kaneki said as his eyes swept around the room.

"Am I clear?" Without waiting for an answer, he turned quickly and strode in an almost stiff manner to the stables.

* * *

Kaneki still was not sure if he should have anticipated what had just happened. His nose may have horrible sense of smell (in ghoul terms) but his ears were quite adequate when it came to picking up on things he should know.

That hearing may have saved him much trouble in the past, but know he only wished that he hadn't heard such a thing. He started to fear that he'll lose sight of _it_.

Kaneki had heard somebody give up. The entire human race has lost? Kaneki wanted to laugh. The humans who inhabited this world were undoubtedly ten times more cowardly and selfish than those at CCG that persisted on even in hopeless situations. It was amazing how somebody with such lack of willpower could hold such intense racial prejudice that could rival even that of the disgusting beliefs ghouls and humans back in his world held.

Perhaps it was the cowardice.

Kaneki wanted to go up to that roof, slap that man across the face and shove him down some Titan's throat. Or maybe Kaneki should let him have a taste of his own intestines first; let him feel the stick blood sliding down to his throat and drowning him.

Somebody else beat him to it. Just less…violently. Kaneki sighed and cleared his mind. His hunger was really starting to egg him. When was the last time he ate? Oh, right. It's almost been a month since he last ate.

Kaneki left the horses for those kids to handle. They needed the experience more than he did.

* * *

It's been 20 hours since the fall of Wall Rose. Kaneki had left with Armin, Mikasa, and Eren. He believed in Sasha and Connie to be able to take care of themselves when they reached their villages. Over the time he had spent with those kids, they had melted his heart, even if ever so slightly.

Kaneki knew that he really shouldn't grow attached to these kids, but he really couldn't help it. Their interactions, their belief in the good of humanity; Kaneki was reminded of the façade he held before Yamori forced part of him to wake up. Those eyes that still held some innocence, innocence that he will never hold because his hands are stained with blood and his soul black as a demon's, haunted him.

Besides that, he didn't have any other good reason why he had decided to join an overweight "priest" in a cramped cart.

"What are we supposed to do now?" Armin's voice sliced through the tense silence as if it was butter. He took a small breath before continuing, "Wall rose got breached all of a sudden, and now I…" He made a worried face.

"…Now I don't know what we should do anymore," he paused, "Even if we manage to deliver Eren to the frontlines, I doubt it will change anything anymore…" Armin shot a subtle but dark glare at the priest.

"Why do we have a priest from the wall cult with us…?" Kaneki wanted to throw his hands up in the air. _Finally_ somebody had taken notice of the fat man that was taking up half of the bench on his side of the cart.

"Ah, that well, we're friends with Nick here now, you see. Right?" Hange had slung her arm around Nick's shoulders as if they were "best bros". Everyone deadpanned at that. Nick just nervously glanced at the woman clinging to him.

Hange sighed and regained her posture, "He knew about the titans in the wall, but till now he has been keeping silent about that amazing fact."

She pulled on a dead serious face and continued, "I have no idea why, but he seems adamant about keeping his mouth shut where the secrets of the wall that he knows are concerned, even if it costs him his life…"

"Apparently the members of his sect know a lot more things about the wall," Hange finished. Kaneki saw Eren start to move and quickly angle himself as far away from the boy as possible, reaching to cover his ears.

"_Huh?! What the HELL?!_" Eren burst. He stopped, a wave of nausea washing over him. Mikasa forced him to sit back down, her voice chiding and concerned when she spoke, "Stay put! The aftereffects of your Titan transformation aren't gone yet!"

Hange waited until Eren calmed down before she started again, "I was going to ask some other sect members, but he chose to come with us out of his own will."

"The situation has changed, so it seems after he had witnessed all what happened, he's been having doubts if he should follow the rules, so he wants to see the real state of affairs with his own eyes…"

Nick began to sweat a bit more after he took notice of the intense stares boring into him. Eren spoke again

"Wait, wait, wait, wait…" He stuttered, "It's just weird you know?"

He gained a bit of confidence before he continued, "I-If you know something, please just tell us!" His voice started to hold a slightly desperate quality, "What can be more important than preventing the total annihilation of the human race?!"

Hange cleared her throat, "I wonder about that, Nick…"

"The pastor looks like an honest upstanding person to me… That's why I think that maybe…" She glanced over at Nick and didn't fail to notice him averting her eyes, choosing to stare at the floor instead.

"…Just maybe there might be a cause more important than preventing the downfall of humanity…"

Levi finally spoke up, "Well, from where I stand, this one seems to have some guts, but what about the other fanatics from their little cult? I highly doubt that _all_ of them can boast this kind of willpower…

"Oh well, there's lots of ways to make a person talk," he drawled as he slid a metal gun from inside his coat just slightly into view. Kaneki wanted to intervene, but he even he knew that some necessary evils must be done for the "greater good" Levi and the rest of the Scout Region had in mind.

"I may be useless in combat right now… but I sure as hell am capable of keeping close tabs on one old man," Levi clarified as he narrowed his eyes with distrust.

"So do us both a favor and _don't_ try anything that might result in new holes opening up in your body," He warned. Kaneki deadpanned at him, his expression sending him a silent _"seriously?_"

Levi relaxed a little before address Hange, "On another note… Hange."

"Hmm?"

"It's news to me that you have a shady hobby of playing with rocks…," Levi inquired.

"Ahhh… This —this is not your ordinary rock," Hange smiled brightly, her eyes holding a slightly psychopathic look to them.

"It's a piece of the Female Titan's hardened skin that I found during the operation," she revealed.

"Eh?!" Armin exclaimed, "It didn't disappear?!"

"Nope!" Hange replied, "And you know what the best part is? I matched the material with a tiny piece that fell from the crack in the wall. It's the same material!"

"In other words, the wall itself was made by Colossal type Titans that became its supporting pillars," Hange concluded.

Mikasa piped up,"So it's really just like what Armin said…"

Armin opened his mouth to speak, but was cut off by Kaneki, who had finally taken a serious interest in the conversation.

"As of now, it's going to be difficult to plug Wall Rose, due to the fact that there are no boulders huge enough…" Kaneki trailed off, "But what if a transformed Eren could plug the breach using that hardening ability?"

Everyone suddenly tensed. Eren held a worried face; all that responsibility that had been piling up on him recently was really wearing him down.

"Plugging the breach with my body…?!" Eren's faced was tight, doubt lacing his voice.

"Well… Since the material properties are identical… what will be left after you undo your transformation should be huge fossilized statue that won't evaporate or disappear," Hange said.

"Just imagine! If it is actually possible… we could do so much more to aid humanity!" Hange started to shake uncontrollably with excitement. She was grasping the stone in her hand so hard that it'll leave an imprint in her hand later.

"I propose that we also consider this newfound information in a different way," Kaneki intervened.

"Huh?! What do you mean, Kaneki?" Hange stopped shaking. Kaneki cupped his hand under his chin in thought.

"Well, doesn't the fact that the Wall Cult knew about the Titans inside the Wall strike you odd?" Kaneki questioned.

"Of course it's odd. What are you getting at?" Hange responded.

"Think about it; if the Wall Cult knew about that, then it would make sense if they knew about the Titan stone making up the Wall. Say, isn't there some officials in the government that are part of the Wall Cult? Wouldn't that mean that the government could have possibly hid this information from us?" Kaneki's one red appeared to glow, giving him a slightly menacing look.

Hange's face was morphed into that of shock.

"This changes so much…How about we focus on plugging that hole first, eh?" Hange forced out a weak smile. Kaneki bit back a counterargument and closed his eyes.

He had no interest in the rest of their conversation, so he willingly let himself fall into slumber. Before he slipped into the unconscious world, he was reminded:

"That's right. The world is cruel, and it's the inhabitants that twist it."

**WOAH~! I actually wanted to write this chapter for a while, but that excitement died down quickly because this chapter was so incredibly hard to write. I wanted to focus more on story development that Kaneki's ideals. Since I'm writing this according to the manga, there is going to be a lot more spoilers later on (I read the ending leak). As I stated wayyyy above, this story is going to be written out of order, so some chapters will take place way ahead or between some events in the past. This chapter was supposed to be short, but it ended up almost three times the length of a normal chapter.**

_Omake: The Dream_

On a hot summer afternoon,  
I fell asleep.

On a late fall night,  
I had a nightmare

On an early spring morning,  
I fell in love.

On a winter midnight,  
I ran away.

On the 100th day,  
I lost myself.

On the last winter,  
I turned cold.

And in three years,  
I woke up.

"I'm tired of dreaming."

**Cookies for everyone that can accurately interpret and explain this omake!**

**Review Replies:**

**Sereneskydragonslayer: Yup. Brutality is always the favorite.**

**Kuroyuki no Ryu: Awww thanks! I happy to know that somebody read it! What part of the beginning of Chapter 5 stood out to you (just curious)?**

**AceofSpadez6969: Ahhh thank you! Here is a longer chapter that I did not poop out at 12 o'clock midnight.**

**Rincchi Okumura: I am very glad to hear that! I wasn't sure if people would like this slightly OOC version of Kaneki (from the latest chapters)**

**Numbkid: Here is a longer chapter. ^^/ I'm planning to write some chapters that focus on Kaneki's interactions with the SnK characters, so rest assured.**

**Marshman101: Yup! I'd say Kaneki suffered more though (check out the latest :re chapters if you aren't sure what I mean)**


	7. Little Steps

**This is a chapter that I managed to write up during my free time. I wanted to take a break from all the artwork and some (actually a lot) of the coding I do all while directing the path of the story of my game. Since I am working myself to death, I apologize in advance for any typos.**

**I'm going to ask for someone to beta this fanfic for me because I find a lot of mistakes after I read my chapters after I upload them. This is a chapter based heavily on character development rather than story development, so I apologize if I let anyone down with this chapter.**

**I'm going to strive to update once a month. No guarantees, sorry! An editor will speed up the publishing process however. *wink**wink**nudge**nudge***

**Disclaimer: Don't own anything.**

* * *

_Chapter 6: Little Steps_

It was another hot summer day. It was one of those days in which the sun mercilessly bore down on the castle grounds in which most of the Scout Corps soldiers where currently training. Today was different, however. Since the arrival of the mysterious 'Kaneki Ken', everyone had been wondering how strong he was.

So many soldiers had lazed off of training, claiming to go for a "water break" when in reality they just wanted a glance at how Kaneki fought. They'd crowd near the pitcher of water, quickly stealing a glance behind them to see if Kaneki was training too. They were all heavily disappointed to see the white-haired man positioned under the tree by the pond, reading a book as usual.

"How are we going to get him to show off his moves?" one pondered out loud. Another smacked the back of the former's head while hissing, "Hush! He'll hear you!"

After a roll of the eyes and round of muddled murmurs, everyone was stumped. They racked their brains, trying to think of _something_ to get the man up and showing off his moves.

"Oh! I know!" a short blonde boy piped up. In a split second, a couple dozen gazes where focused on Armin Arlert, the resident war tactic prodigy. The boy shifted uncomfortably from the gazes positioned on him. He'd actually come to drink water, but being unable to resist overhearing, he found himself in the middle of it all.

"I mean— one of us just has to go over and ask for a friendly spar, right?" Armin nervously said. But who was going to fight him? From what the soldiers had heard or had personally witnessed, Kaneki held a subtle and extremely overwhelming strength. There was a moment of silence before a young girl stepped forward.

"I'll go," she blatantly stated. Her ebony hair swished out of her grayish-blue eyes; her glare searching for any that will dare to oppose her judgment. Every stepped down, relieved they would have to be the one to have their asses whipped. Mikasa Ackerman was not considered a genius in every military area for nothing, and besides, it'll show how strong Kaneki truly was, right? That's what they all thought.

She strode towards the lake with a casual pace to ensure that Kaneki would not feel as if she had any malicious intent behind asking for a spar. She carefully laid down a hand on the man's shoulder. Mikasa withdrew her hand when Kaneki casually his expressionless, closed-off eyes off the pale pages in his hands and onto the girl.

"Erm, excuse me. Do you mind if I request for a friendly spar?" Mikasa politely asked. She hated to admit it, but she had panicked ever so slightly when Kaneki did not lift his gaze off of her and reply. She saw through a miniscule crack in the mismatched orbs of his a swirling mass of sadistic and highly violent tendencies fighting to break into reality.

No, Mikasa wasn't even going to try of hide it anymore. She was suddenly very afraid of what lies behind the perfect porcelain mask of his. What was this man? What horrible or twisted things must be hiding behind that mask, caused by his obviously painful past? She had heard from Eren a mere glimpse of what horrors lie in his lifeline. How can he have such monstrous feelings barely suppressed?

She let out a small sigh of relief when his eyes covered up that crack and softened. He let himself show a small melancholic smile. He opened his mouth to respond to her.

* * *

Kaneki had wanted to avoid this situation. He'd known that it'll eventually come, but he still wanted to desperately avoid it. He was terribly afraid of what they would think. Would they hate him? Would the despise him, push him away? Kaneki feared that this 'little spar,' as Mikasa had put it, would leave him in despair, his sole purpose for living thus for to slip past his fingers. But refusing would raise suspicion and could lead to the same terrible end.

_No_, he thought. I cannot let them hate me. _I must die loved by all_, he insisted. In his internal conflict, he didn't realize the crack in his mask. His great desire to '_die in style_' revealed a swirling psychotic mass of suicidal tendencies that wish to kill and devour everything in a brutal manner. As he looked up and into the girl's eyes, he saw her emotions become undone for a split second.

Profound fear. That's what he saw written all over her face. Seeing this, he quickly patched up the imperfection in his impenetrable wall, or so he believed was impenetrable. He softened his eyes to try and cover it up, attempting to pretend what she saw was but an elaborate illusion formed from her fear of the unknown.

_Yes, that was it_, Kaneki thought. _Fear_ was the answer. He'll dissipate that knowing ball of fear growing in their bits. He won't show them his, ah, _extra limbs_. He'll use well-known hand-to-hand combat or perhaps some melee techniques to make them feel right at home. Instead of making them fear what he can do, he'll amaze them just a bit. No crazy moves or anything, just something like what he pulled on that one member form Sachi's group.

He stood up, a smooth 'caring' smile present on his face.

"I'd be _honored_ to spar with you, Ackerman-san."

* * *

Mikasa gritted her teeth as she slid back words from her opponent's blow. Behind the arms she had pulled up to shield herself, her eyes darted about, searching for a break in his form, or perhaps a falter in his movements. She didn't get the chance to do so as she twisted her body sideways, barely able to escape the jab headed towards her left flank. Mikasa's control on her balance slipped for just a bit as she tried dodged the undercut Kaneki was flinging at her. Suddenly, she saw the 'undercut' swerve to the side.

"What?!"

Kaneki's left foot met her right flank harshly. She'd realized too late that the 'undercut' was but a fluke he'd pulled to build momentum for his next strike. She smacked her shoulder against the ground and quickly rolled away from the foot that landed where her face was a second prior. Using the momentum form the roll, Mikasa flipped herself back onto her feet.

_He really doesn't give his opponents a break, huh?_ Mikasa thought as sprinted towards him, her left arm drawn back, and ready to strike. _Not that I wouldn't do the same._

In a split second, Mikasa found herself diving towards empty air. Her eyes widened as she attempted to swivel her body to face and hopefully block the next attack. She raised her arms up in a defensive position, her arms poised and ready to absorb the brunt of the attack.

"Wrong move, Ackerman-san"

Mikasa came to realize what he meant too late. She found herself flying through the air, her back harshly smacking against the ground. Her left wrist was still held by Kaneki's grip.

She gasped for air as the impact had knocked the air out of her lungs. She held her arms to her sides and attempted to sit up the moment he let go of her hand. Mikasa winced as she felt a sharp pang of pain from her lower right rib.

"I'm sorry; I—I went a bit overboard there…" Kaneki slurred his words nervously. "I'll take you to the infirmary… I think I may have fractured your rib of something…"

"No—no, it's alright," Mikasa answered, a bit dazed from the sudden blow.

"I—I'm fine."

* * *

Kaneki was tired. No, he was exhausted. Even that was an understatement. Nothing could accurately describe the how long he had worked towards creating the 'most beautiful ceremony' that he wanted centered on himself: the ceremony of death. Oh how he craved the utter silence and subtle weeping over his coffin. Even if he could not possibly know whether the funeral would go exactly as he'd imagined it, he was sure that if he played his cards right, he'll come close.

Well, that was what Kaneki was sure he would get. Ever since waking up, he has had a sever lack of nightmares. The blissful, blank 'dreams,' if they could be called that, was what he wanted to see and feel for the rest of eternity. He desired that feeling of being free from all the debts and regrets that chained him from head to toe.

However, soon after the pounding pain behind his eyes started the other day— the day when he cracked a bit in front of that Jaeger boy—he found himself in a strange nightmare. He found himself spectating a scene that sickened him. He saw himself—or rather an imposter that held his image—acting out a play. His other —Haise? — was cooking omelets for a pack of childish people with hair even more odd than his own.

The fake smile that Haise held (what kind of name was that?) sickened him. It was so impossibly perfect that if it wasn't for the fact that it was the same one that Kaneki had held so many times before, he too would have believed in it. That smile, the smile he presented to the teachers who questioned his bruises, the smile he showed his mother to prove his "faith" in her, being seen spread so delicately across the imposter's face enraged Kaneki.

How is it possible for someone so fake to play out _his_ role in _his_ play? There is only one that could possibly wield that mask of deception so perfectly —so perfectly that even he had trouble reckongnizing it.

In a rage, Kaneki lunged at Haise. His anger released his hold on his kakuja, a pitch-black mask sliding over his face. His arms enclosed the imposter's throat, but he refrained from snapping the other's neck.

_Not yet_, he told himself. He'll put this fake through pain first. This abomination that is within his grasp will pay dearly for letting his —no, _their_ dreams slip through their fingers like water. As he opened his mouth to whisper hash, chilling words to this fake, Kaneki suddenly found himself back in his room. He was covered in cold sweat, his clothes clinging to him. Kaneki sat up, gasping for air.

He had the impression that that was not a dream.

* * *

"Why are you hiding?" A soft, very young voice called out to Kaneki. He paused, taking the time to fold the corner of the page he was reading just a second ago.

"What are you insinuating? This is naught to be found in this forest of golden wood of mine," he replied. His eyes narrowed, his eyes unmoving from the book he held in his hands.

"Of course my friend, the hunter, has everything to find. Your forest of golden wood is especially intriguing; to not spectate such forest would be a shame," another voice replied. Kaneki shifted his gaze to the blond boy that had so cleverly replied. He took notice of Jaeger standing at his side.

"Oho… What is the Eagle doing in my modest forest? Do you have naught to attend to?" Kaneki responded. If Arlert wanted to play word games with him, then so be it.

Arlert let himself smile. He swiftly answered, "But of course the Owl is not to be disrespected. He looks after this aged forest of golden wood, does he not?"

Kaneki lightly scowled. "_Der Vogel kämpft sich aus dem Ei. Das Ei ist die Welt._"

Arlert blinked. "What?"

"The bird struggles out of the egg. The egg is the world," Kaneki repeated. "But you know, who would be born must first destroy a world."

Kaneki sighed, _"'Schicksal und Gemüt sind Namen eines Begriffs._'_ Das hatte ich nun verstanden._"

He snapped his book shut and promptly strode away. Before he finally disappeared, he spoke a single sentence.

"I'm sure you understand, Arlert-san."

After the older man disappeared from sight, Armin replied in a low voice, "Wirklich… Das hatte ich nun verstanden.

He turned to Eren, who had just listened on to an interesting exchange between two people he respected quite a lot.

"Let's go Eren; it seems we can nothing as of now."

* * *

Kaneki stared out the window from his bed. The pale moon stared back, its pale visage silently mocking him. The pale moonlight that streamed into the dark confines of his room brought him comfort. As if on impulse, Kaneki found the sudden desire to sing.

"If my left-behind memories become too heavy  
I'll throw away my heart….."

Kaneki paused, unsure of how to proceed if anyone heard him. Not that he cared if they heard him singing, but he was afraid they would understand what he was singing.

"Even now, I'm still being reminded of that day's sunset sky  
However, if I throw away my bags and even my clothes but I still can't fly…  
What will I abandon then?  
Even though I understand that someday it'll be blown away,  
I want to be remembered by someone…"

Kaneki laughed. What was he doing? It's not as if singing some song he'd heard before will do him any good. His laughter died, turning into sobs. _Why am I crying? There's no reason to…_

"Even if I tie up the emotions that gushed out,  
these wings that flap are broken, because that's just fate.  
Everything disappears, and yet I still can't fly…  
These memories I once carried…"

Kaneki's voice cracked. He held his hands together tightly and let the tears freely flow.

"Hide… I'm really sorry…I—I didn't do what you asked, even to the very end." He freed one of his hands and clenched the sheets. Tears dripped down, staining the sheets with a grey spot, devoid of anything.

"You know, it's really lonely without you…"

* * *

Kaneki sat at his desk, his eyes blankly looking at the blank pages in front of him. A quill was grasped in a breakneck grip, ink dripping from the tip. He pressed the tip in to the paper, writing a Japanese character in months. He made quick strokes; a "染" written on the paper. And afterwards, a "の" and a "心" appeared under the "染".

"Heart of dye," Kaneki whispered to himself. That didn't sound right. He crossed it out with ferocious slashes. He tried again, only this time "心が沈む" appeared on the paper.

It still didn't sound right. Kaneki tried once more. After he was finished, he stared at the delicate characters that nobody but him could read.

"必死," Kaneki read to himself. _Hisshi_ was how it was said. The syllables rolled over his tongue, a feeling of satisfaction flowing over him.

After all, this was what he wanted right? The inevitable death that will take him away from this empty life of suffering. He'll finally be able rest.

"I want to die in style," Kaneki told himself.

"I want that ceremony of complete silence— that sea of people dressed in formal black. I want the overflowing bouquets of red spider lilies lining my coffin; the hearts that will resonate within me," he told himself.

That was what he really wanted, right? Right? Even if he couldn't feel the sadness that will surround him, he'll be happy. Right?

For some unknown reason, Kaneki felt an extreme sorrow pierce his heart.

* * *

**Hey guys… it's been a while huh… I wanted to update because a lot of people have been requesting it. I've decided to try to update once every month. I know a lot of people want a chapter every two weeks, but I've tried that and it ended up a very bad idea. This chapter, which I tried to write in two weeks, ended up giving me a lot of pressure and even then, it turned out extremely rushed. I spent the rest of my free time (without pressuring myself too much of course) fixing up and adding parts to the chapter. I apologize if the writing and moodset varies too much in this chapter. I tried to transition the character interactions to Kaneki-oriented angst sections as best as I could, but it's hard.**

**I'm glad Golden Week is finally over. Tokyo Ghoul: Re updated again with another angsty chapter (as if the Mutsuki madness wasn't feely enough). You don't know how much you miss a series until it comes back. That being said, I've decided to stop beating around the bush with Kaneki's current mindset and situation. To be honest with you guys, Kaneki is supposed exactly how he is in TG: re before the internal talk with mental Hide (or whatever the fanbase will decide to call him). That means that he is most certainly still a suicidal little bitch that likes to twist his memories and interpretations of things to convenience himself. Yeah, I'm mad at Kaneki for saying he wants to die even though deep down he really wants to live. I mean, he was so blind that he needed a sub-personality to take the form of Hide to convince Kaneki to live. That's just sad.**

**Don't even get me started with Mutsuki stuff. As we all know, Mutsuki correlates with Kaneki, and considering his backstory, it might just be Ishida's way of saying: "Yeah Kaneki's mom did that to him and Yamori did rape him". No guarantees, but that's what it's saying to me.**

**I wrote another rant here that went off topic (to Re: ZERO because I read the light novels and I was talking about the similarities between that and TG) but it was too long so I cut it out.**

**For those who got confused about the forest of golden wood, it's a play on words. Kaneki's name is made up of the words: "****金" ****and "****木" ****which is gold (as in money) and wood respectively. Armin's name has to do with eagles, enough said. And the German quotes are by Hermann Hesse in his book Demian. Ishida mentioned a "World has been destroyed" in his latest chapter which references to the line "****The bird struggles out of the egg. The egg is the world. But who would be born must first **_**destroy a world**_**" that Ishida wrote at the end of his first volume.**

**As for the song that Kaneki sung, it is a real song. I give credit to the translator and composer of the song. I was listening to a cover of it by Soramin and Sojiro and I decided to include it because the lyrics fit Kaneki's situation very well. Try to guess which song it is! Cookies for those who do. **

**As for the Japanese characters: just Google it. I'm lazy, ok?**

**Goodnight. It's 12 o'clock and tomorrow's a school day. Just great.**


	8. Gainjeonmokdan Part 1

**Yahhhh I actually have time to write a chapter! I'm getting a break cuz my wrist hurts and nobody wanna deal with any RSI just because I dunno how to put the pen down. Long story short, I have more time to write. Oh wait… I just remembered that I should really finish that art entry and that commission that I'm pretty sure was due 3 months ago… Oh crap. Ehhhh I'm too lazy so I'll finish this chapter and maybe the next and maybe then I'll start.**

**I'm working on new cover art for this story, ****_The Hogwarts Ghoul_**** (I might change that name lol), and Kamimonogatari. I think I'll stream it's progress 3:30 pm EST on tomorrow (the 26****th****).**

**Disclaimer: How many times must I say that I don't own anything and I'm too poor to deal with a lawsuit from Japan?**

* * *

_Chapter 8: Gainjeonmokdan Part 1_

To say that this world was a lie is an understatement. Before him lay the fallen bodies that once housed the tender souls that closed their distance despite all odds. Those both brave and timid that had ceaselessly wandered into his heart lay still on the ground. Their eyes were blank, uncaring and most of all unresponsive. Kaneki didn't have the heart to look any longer. He looked away, a scowl lining his features as he so desperately tried to smother the overwhelming feelings threatening to overflow. But for what was he hiding from? There were none to laugh at him; none to meddle into his business and annoy him to no end

Kaneki turned away from the scene, his strides quickening at an alarming pace. He activated his 3D Maneuver Gear, swing across the rooftops of the long-fallen district. He leapt from building to building, mindlessly abusing his ghoul strength. Cracks were left in the areas were the rampaging ghoul landed harshly. Not that he cared anyways. Shinganshina was already broken down and falling apart.

Kaneki charged at the Colossal Titan that stood in the middle of it all. The man he had formerly found an excellent reading partner— no— the man he considered a friend stood carelessly in the carnage that _he_ had caused. That same damage that _his friend_ had caused had cost the lives of many of his friends.

He flew by the nape, deciding that it would be too risky to land directly on steaming hot newly-formed Titan flesh. Kaneki instead opted to land on the building adjacent to the hulking mass that was slowly turning to face him. As he flew by, his 3D Maneuver Gear suddenly snapped.

Kaneki looked through his perpetual vision, not bothering to fully turn around and lose his momentum. The Colossal Titan, when turning towards him had walked into the line that was still stretched out, attached to the previous building Kaneki had made a landing on.

_Well shit, that complicates some things_.

Kaneki landed on the building, his knees buckling to reduce the force rebounding into him. As he used the pressure built up in his calves to rebound back towards his former friend, Kaneki felt a sharp pain in his ankle.

_Goddamned third law of Newton, why must you decide to apply to this world now?_

Kaneki raised his swords high, as if preparing to strike. The Colossal Titan, who had raised his arms in retaliation, widened his eyes in shock when he saw Kaneki release his blades instead of swinging them.

Using the slip in his opponent's guard, Kaneki used the raised arms as a launching platform. As he landed on Bertolt's head, Kaneki brought his arms up once more. With a touch of ghoul strength, he brought the overhead strike down onto the nape of his former comrade.

Kaneki found himself suddenly nose-diving towards the ground. He snapped out of his shock, rolling into a tight ball to reduce the fall damage; his kagune sliding out to latch onto a nearby house. He landed callously into the tile roof, his hands and legs covered in scratches. How he'd managed to survive the fall was beyond even him.

When he finally got back to ground, he hung his head down. His eyes stared blankly at the ground, tears threatening to spill over. _It doesn't hurt it doesn't hurt it doesn't hurt it doesn't hurt it doesn't hurt._ He repeated that in his head, his eyes glossing over. The clenched fists that swung at his side loosened up and fell still.

_Who am I fighting for again?_

And with that, Kaneki woke up with a scream.

* * *

Kaneki was not sure where he was now. After that frightening dream, he'd found himself in a strange position. Or should he say it was awkward?

It's true that it was odd to be levitating on the ground when he woken up, but is that really the truth? But at the same time, he was still lying down— may it be empty air or not— so wouldn't that make it a 'normal' position one will be in when on awakens. But then again the levitation—

Kaneki cut off the rambling thoughts that circled in his mind in a never-ending, impossible cycle. He sat up and put his feet on the ground, trying to stand up as if he was really sitting on a bed.

Or at least he tried.

In a split second— a split second that can be compared to a crack in the window or the glitch of a game— Kaneki had fallen… Or did he really?

The feeling of falling still clung to him like glue, but Kaneki yet again found himself lying down on the air— or should he say invisible pocket of air?

He sighed, running a hand through his hair. His black nails raked through the starchy white strands, their dark visage making his pale skin and colorless hair appear to seemingly glow. He decided to sit up once again, as to make himself feel less conspicuous.

As he looked at the dark, shapeless blackness that surrounded him on all sides, he felt a bit lonely. He laughed and gazed upwards, his hand once again at his side. _It's inevitable that I'll return here… Who will I meet this time?_

"Hmm… Who you ask? What an interesting question," a curt, feminine voice answered him. Kaneki turned around, his eyes squinting at the light that silhouetted the figure that had spoken to him. Kaneki can barely make out the greyish green hair that framed the figure's face. He blinked his eyes, the man's (woman's?) feature becoming clearer.

"Shouldn't I ask you that? After all, I am but a copy of you, brought into reality," She said. Yes, Kaneki could see the tanned face of the girl that had once stood before _him_ in an investigator's outfit.

"You're that girl that my other looks after— Mutsuki Tooru I believe?" He questioned her, his feet lightly kicking. Kaneki looked down at the darkness below, choosing to avoid making eye contact.

"Who knows? Am I the girl that asked everyone to address me as a man? Or am I a grieving man that has lost a dear friend?" She paused. Her form changed, her hair lengthening to her shoulders, blood splattered over those psychotic eyes that she held.

She lifted the hatchet that had somehow appeared in her hand, "Or am I the murderer that brutally slaughtered her family and lied to herself about it?"

She _flew_ over to Kaneki and forced him to look at her. Kaneki was crying now, denial still hard in his eyes. She released her hold on him and drifted backwards into the light.

Before she left, she told him, "We're not so different, you and me. We are, after all, glass statues that stained ourselves red to live… right?"

She disappeared along with the blinding light, and Kaneki found himself once again falling. He reached out, attempting to grasp what he had left and correct her.

Kaneki closed his eyes, pearly tears finally disappearing.

_No… We are but dogs that ate with our tails tucked between our legs… A pitiful existence that doesn't deserve to live._

* * *

"Mister— Mister!" Kaneki shifted in annoyance. Who was bothering him at _such_ a time? He was dead tired, and cannot be bothered with any trivial things.

"Oh come on* Mister! You can't sleep all day right?" This time Kaneki felt someone shake his shoulder. That cute angelic voice kept ringing in his ears, annoying him to no end.

"Ah, alright*! I'm getting up…" Kaneki sighed as he sat up and turned to face… a little girl. He smacked his forehead. _What is this about little girls appearing in my subconscious?_

"Now, now… Isn't that better?" She giggled and skipped to the side, her purple hair swaying in the wind. Purple hair… where had he seen that before? But as he looked closer, he realized it was in reality a vibrant white. A streak of dark purple lay among her bangs, the colorless strands around it reflecting that colorful strip.

"Who are you…?" He stared. The girl giggled and faced him. Her lavender eyes seemed to laugh at him.

"What a redundant question. You already know."

Kaneki frowned. It was better that he didn't ask for an explanation. He'd rather get something out of this instead of a mindless repeat.

"Erm… Kanagi-kun, what do you think about fate?" The girl asked as she ran towards him. She was barefoot, casually running on the cold pavement. As she passed him, she snatched Kaneki's hand and dragged him along.

"It's Kaneki," He murmured. Kaneki asked her, "More importantly, where are we going?"

"Nowhere in particular. But does it really matter?"

"What doesn't?"

"Everything. You name is both Kanagi and Kaneki. You are still the golden wood that wishes to burn," She smiled.

"Or you could say I bit my tongue*."

The girl stopped smiling however, "You didn't answer my question though."

Kaneki sighed and said, "Fate? It's 'follow your dreams'."

"'Follow your dreams?' What do you mean?"

"It's like when you buy a lottery ticket. You know there is rarely a winner, but you still buy one"

"And what does that have to do with anything?"

"It's because they're 'buying their dreams'," Kaneki paused, "I think when people say 'follow your dreams' it really means 'look at reality*'"

"Hmm…? What an interesting outlook…" The girl stopped running and turned to face him. A chilling, serene smile was spread on her face.

"Rize, I—"

"I knew it'll be fun talking to you. But I'm not Rize," The girl replied. _What?_ Kaneki blinked. And then he realized it. In the place of the younger Rize was a young boy with black hair. No— it was white, then black, then white, and so and so forth.

"I am you." The other personality stated.

"Or rather, I am your 'mirror inverse'," the young boy corrected himself.

"I— or should I say we? — have always wondered how this came to be. Whose fault was it? Was it Mother's? Father's? Or was it Rize, for attacking you; Arima, for not killing you; Furuta, for being the puppet master; or yourself?"

"No matter how you look at it, it's nobody's fault. If you want to blame something, blame your own selfishness. Well, whatever. It's not my business after all. I'm just a part of you, the doubt that you shove down in order to keep the wool over your eyes."

The younger Kaneki walked past the elder slowly.

"There will be nobody to save you— nobody that can or will want to. You save yourself before you say that you will save everybody."

_That's right. I remember now._

"The weak fear happiness itself. They can harm themselves on cotton wool. Sometimes they are wounded even by happiness."*

* * *

Kaneki woke with a gasp. He stared up at the ceiling of his room, carefully following the curved lines that marked the timber. He sighed and sat up, carefully eyeing his surroundings. Everything was the same as he had last left it.

Kaneki glanced at the floor suspiciously. He laid his left foot on it gently, as if testing if it was safe or not. When he discovered that it could hold his weight, Kaneki let out a sigh of relief.

He'd had enough with that crazy— what was it called? — in-something. Kaneki smiled and got out of bed.

_What a strange dream that was._

With that, he decided to ask his comrades.

Oh, wait. That's not particularly right. By asking them about this 'Insepushon,' they'd stop and look at me. Like a child who stops spinning or rocking may earn praise. To be presented with something new, something their hypersensitivity cannot take is not the right choice.

Perhaps he was underestimating them all. Much like how "the autism of a particularly high-functioning person might be almost imperceptible, manifesting itself only subtly in a obsessive interest in maps, say, or the merits of different aeroplanes*."

Yes, that was it. This was a wartime pre-emptive state the empire was in. The hotpot perfect for brewing the hypocrisy, conspiracy, and overall birdcage that was this world.

This world was exactly the same as the one he was in before. Those whispers held behind closed doors, the not-so-subtly slipping of money from one hand to another, Kaneki saw it all.

With a second thought, he decided not to say anything. Any hint of a deviation, a straying, from those corrupt nobles that pretended to serve their powerless figurehead of a king (or should he say a _shogun_?) would lead to devastation blow after devastating blow to his ambitions.

Inception, indeed.

* * *

Kaneki sat at the campfire that was somehow flickering into existence at his feet. Connie, Krista, Ymir, Reiner, and a couple others sat at his side, staring into the campfire as deeply as Kaneki was.

A senior officer walked by ordering, "You rookies make sure you rest well."

He paused, "Daytime has ended a while ago, so I doubt there're titans left that can still move… But to be safe, we're gonna take turns being on lookout. Then we'll set out 4 hours before dawn breaks."

"Excuse me…" Krista started.

She continued, "If the wall really isn't breached, then from where could those titans infiltrate…?"

The officer turned to her and replied, "We're gonna look into that tomorrow." His voice softened a bit, "Right now your orders are to rest."

As the senior officer ascended the stairs, Krista wondered to herself, "Could it be that…"

"… The situation is differs greatly from what was initially assumed?" She continued, "It's just that… hmm…"

"Yeah there are way too little titans appearing at the moment," Reiner agreed, "I wonder if yhe wall has really been breached."

A fellow soldier that Kaneki wasn't well acquainted with informed, "Well, the only Titans we came across were the ones we saw in the very beginning."

Ymir didn't say anything for a bit, as if hesitating to do something.

Finally she spoke, "Connie what became of your village?"

"It was destroyed. We arrived there after it'd been trampled over by Titans," Connie replied with a dead look in his eyes.

Ymir and Krista looked at him solemnly, their eyes seemingly holding a knowledge the others did not know. Kaneki suddenly felt that they were hiding something very relevant, and felt somewhat repulsive.

He, however, dismissed those feelings. Surely they had good reason to hide such a thing… But if they did not, those two should surely fear for their lives.

Ymir bowed her head, almost as if in guilt.

"I see… I'm sorry to H—"

"However, no one was eaten," Connie interrupted with an out-of-character firmness.

"Seems like they all managed to escape safely… at least some relief about the whole ordeal…"

Kaneki could see something very wrong with the story he'd heard. Connie claimed that nobody was hurt, yet his village was destroyed despite there being no humans to grab the attention of the Titans. And from some of the reports he'd overheard earlier being given to Levi, the horses were still tethered in the stables.

Something was missing from the board. This missing puzzle piece led him to great suspicion, and if it wasn't for such a lost key, Kaneki would digress from the conversation.

"But didn't you say the village was destroyed?" Ymir voiced the thoughts Kaneki also held.

"Well, the buildings were destroyed, but no victims among the villagers," Connie began.

"When people get devoured, you can find blood and other traces at the scene, right?" Connie continued, "There was nothing like that there, so the only logical assumption is that they all escaped in time."

Silence greeted him. Ymir's face was clear, as if any hint of doubt was washed away by his words.

"Only… There's something that's been bothering me ever since…" Connie pondered.

"The Titan lying on my house. It couldn't move like that, yet for some reason it was taking a nap right on my house…"

Reiner stared at Connie with an unnerving gaze. Kaneki did not fail to notice that.

Connie sweated a bit, "And the thing about that is… Somehow its appearance… really reminded me of..." Connie hesitated, "my mom."

"What the hell can that mean…?

Reiner spoke the first time in a while, "Connie…"

His words were like a warning, a threat lingering so faintly behind his words that if Kaneki hadn't been presented with the same tone of voice by so many people in the past, he would have missed the bloodlust in it.

"You still keep saying that nonsense? Are you really a blithering idiot or what?"

Reiner was sweating at that point. He fidgeted ever so slightly, as if scared that Connie was catching on to something.

"Pwahaha! You mom was a Titan, Connie? Then how come you're so short?" Ymir burst out loud.

Her joke was forced; her laughter a fake. Kaneki saw how tight Ymir's face was, the slight widening of her eyes, and the light perspiration that layered her face. They are definitely hiding something.

"Sp? Whatcha say to this, Connie?! Facts kinda don't add up that way, you know! I knew you were an idiot! But maybe it's the opposite?! Maybe you're a genius?! Well?! Pwahaha!"

Everyone was staring at Ymir; her nerve was clearly lost to nervousness or perhaps fear.

Perhaps it was a stroke of luck that Connie brushed her actions off her shoulder.

He scratched his head, "Ah, enough… Quite down already! You're making it ridiculous…"

Ymir continued on like he hadn't said anything, "Hey so… if what you said is correct, doesn't that make your dad a Titan, too?"

Kaneki knew where this was going and tuned them out. He curled up near the fire, ignoring the racket behind him.

* * *

"EVERYBODY WAKE UP!"

Kaneki was abruptly woken up by the voice of a soldier resounding throughout the tower.

"GET TO THE ROOF!" He paused, "THIS INSTANCE!"

Everybody scrambled up to the tower's lookout. They were met with an unbelievable scene: Titans moving around even though it was well after sunset.

"What is going on…?" Krista voiced, dumbfounded.

Suddenly, Connie pointed over to their right, "Hey, look! Over there!"

We all peered over there, and saw a monstrosity.

"Huge… Just what is that?!" Connie spoke for us. It was a huge Titan covered in fur from head to toe. From the looks of it, it was very well toned and was clearly a formidable opponent.

Connie slurred, "A titan…? But it looks a lot more like beast… Right?"

Fear struck the faces of everyone but Kaneki. True, he was scared of what will happen from there on and whether his dreams would be crushed in this very instant. He refused to give the beast the satisfaction of seeing fear on _his_ face.

For a second, we all stood there, unmoving, waiting for the newly-dubbed Beast Titan to attack us, but he just strode by.

He walked right past us and towards the Wall.

It was at that point when a titan rammed itself against the side of the tower. We all scrambled to get a hold on our surroundings, determined not to fall off.

"Oioioioioi…!" Someone stated, fear lacing his words.

"Just what's with this? Why the hell are they entering through the door? You've gotta be bullshitting me…"

That same soldier who'd spoken stood up on the edge of the tower, "Doncha fuck with me! I didn't even get to drink all that wine! _All because of you freaks_!"

The drunk man drew his blades, determination flashing through his eyes. A couple comrades of his ordered us to step back.

"From this point on… It's the 3D Maneuver Gear's Turn."

And with that, the battle began.

* * *

Again. It was happening again. That sudden loss of memories; that lump of confusion growing inside him.

What was the truth? What was the lie? Kaneki couldn't tell once more.

He had had a distinct gut feeling that Krista— no, her name was Historia— was a liar. But now the lies that girl blinded herself with gave away and revealed to Kaneki who she was.

She was like a character from a book he'd read; the snake god that believed she was happy when in reality she'd never wanted any of it at all. Someone who'd lied to themselves to deal with everything.

Kaneki recognized that immediately, and decided to hate her.

That decision was made with in mere seconds after she revealed her status as the Princess. Perhaps she did not have the best childhood, but he hated someone who tried to hide himself like he did but had no motivation to do a proper job.

Not that he was one to say anything, but Kaneki just hated people like her that pretended to be the victim all the time without realizing that they themselves were the perpetrator.

Kaneki supposed that deep down, he hated himself very much.

Not that it'll matter anyways. It won't be long before he'll finally reach the end of the thread.

He just hoped he could say 'sorry' one last time.

* * *

**Once again, I have written a rushed and shitty chapter. Oh dear. As I mention above, I'm going to be streaming the cover progresses 3:30 pm EST on tomorrow (the 26****th****). I'll post a notice about the link and if I forget just PM me. I might also start around 15 to 30 minutes earlier or later because I eat lunch around that time, so please be patient.**

**I'd also love if you guys answered the poll that's at the top of my profile page~! Or you can just drop a review and go. Not that I can control what you guys are doing, but consider it a favor?**

**Quotes (*) were by Osamu Dazai from No Longer Human. Also, there are some Monogatari references that belong to NisiOisiN.**

**The song was the song was ココロの質量 (Weight of a Heart / Kokoro no Shitsuryō) sung by Soramin and Sojiro. You can find the video on YouTube ;D**

**For those who will read Kamimonogatari, please be patient with updates. Each chapter (besides the first) will be around 5,000 to 6,000 words so it will take a long time to write.**

**I think I need to address the issue that people have been having with Kaneki joining the Corps. To clarify, Kaneki wanted Levi to act out of his own accord and sincerely ask him a question instead of robotically following orders. And no, they did not torture Kaneki. Well, not for a prolonged period of time, it was in reality like 5 to 10 minutes. All they did was pull all his nails out and that was it. Kaneki joined because he had the chance to 'die in style'. Confused what that means? Read: re then come back.**

**DAMN that recent chapter. Well, I'm probably going to incorporate that scene into this story because it's very important. And the foreshadowing Ishida did with the blank will and the 'parents are in the way' interview? WOW.**

**Review Answers:**

**Faraway Minds: Look at the big ass paragraph above. That's the answer.**

**KaniVixenheim: Thanks you for the help!**

**Guest: Thanks you very much. Appreciate the support! ;)**

**NumbKid: I'm glad it was to your liking. That was a good guess, but the song was ココロの質量 (Weight of a Heart / Kokoro no Shitsuryō) sung by Soramin and Sojiro. You can find the video on YouTube ;D**

**ANekoForMe: Wanna beta read the next one? I kinda rushed this one and it's like 10:30 right now TT^TT thankfully it is a weekend.**


	9. Gainjeonmokdan Part 2

**My A/Ns will be considerably shorter now, I suppose. I'm not going to point out as much references of symbolism stuff I do anymore. The first big arc is approaching, so I have to prepare for that.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own shit.**

* * *

Chapter 9: Gainjeonmokdan Part 2

Majority vote. The only thing in this world which allows false to become truth. A disgraceful exploit which allows people to agree on the outcome before it is decided. Our expression of inequality. Our expression of injustice. If humanity had truly created every created something, it would be this. It is indeed, the most despicable ceremony in humanity's history.

"What's the matter, Kaneki-senpai?" I was asked.

"Did you remember something you didn't want to?"

That sly hint of a smile that so perfectly graced her lips made me purse my own. It was because it was eerie and truly ominous that she, who ought to know naught about me, was the one who knew everything.

I haven't remembered anything, because I've never forgotten about it in the first place. After all, there's absolutely no way that I could ever forget such an event.

"But Kaneki-senpai; let me say just this. Such things never happen _without good reason_. That's all."

Once again, her smile was etched into my memory. Just what does this girl know?

"I don't know anything, Kaneki-senpai. It's you who knows."

The shadow which brings with it the end of youth looms.

* * *

Do you know about the 'most beautiful lady in the history of Russia? It's Empress Elena Glinskaya of Moscow/Russia; whom people mostly recognize as the mother of Ivan the Terrible. A great woman of great power who had achieved great feats; only to be overlooked and overshadowed by the likes of her son. A pitiful existence of a woman whose power and influences was nothing more than the rubble washed down to Atlantis.

It all fit into an equation with nothing superfluous and fit in such a way that it was meant to be.

Indeed, it was pitiful. But truly, the beauty that makes her be. It's beautiful, but when you think about it, it's also scary.

That's what I told her, although she understood nothing of this Russia.

And she replied, "Yes, it is indeed beautiful. Beautiful; so beautiful that it just makes me swoon."

"The most beautiful thing about it is that the answer is zero," she told me, "That said, someone like me thinks that if the answer is going to be zero, there's really no reason for you to go out of your way to calculate the answer."

I'd say otherwise. Before such a lonely woman, dressed in the blankness of the world, speaking in a pathetic manner with likes of a nonexistent person, I felt ashamed in a way.

Majority vote. The only thing in this world which allows false to become truth. A formula of building blocks that pursues conspiring instead of happiness. Our inequality. Our unfair equation.

_There is but one correct way to describe such a thing_, I think.

And that is the ugliest formula in human history.

And so, we have a story about the heart. A story no longer told by the mind, but by my heart. The irony.

* * *

When was it that this story first began? Let's see… I started a couple months back. Maybe even a year.

No, no. That's not going to work. I can't seem to remember when exactly. How much time has passed since then?

I can't seem to remember.

I suppose I'll start from when I first met _her_.

When I first met this girl, I'd least expected her to address me so formally.

"What is the matter, Kaneki-senpai?" She had asked me. Those golden strands of hair swept to the side by her swift hand. Those alluring, apathetic eyes. In short, she intrigued me.

Why did she treat me with so much more respect and warmth than the others?

We'd shunned her, forced her in a corner, and shred her very being into pieces. I, who was the sole perpetrator of this whole ordeal, should be the one she should despise the most.

"Why so formal with me? After all, I…"

She only smiled sadly. She cast her face downwards and hid her eyes behind her hair.

It was a gesture I've seen used way too much to count.

Ears plugged; eyes downcast.

It was as if I had asked for the impossible when declining was even more impossible.

But now that I think about it, the ending to this story was already decided then. Even if I had known what would have happened to her. Even if I had known what _will_ happen to us all. Even if I knew the truth and the facts.

I am sure that this story would have ended the same way. So it was like fate or destiny.

A story as such is nothing but a story.

The future where I fight myself to the death is inching ever closer. The future that I so desperately hated and tried to avoid is still imminent.

It was like the Butterfly Effect no longer existed. Where all the deviating paths the world could have taken would become one.

I think that back then, she saw the despair within me. Time and time again, she must have saw that inside me and pretended to be deceived.

_So please forgive me, because that despair within me was real. Don't ever forget that._

I try to tell her those words but they die in my throat.

Because no matter what she said I would have done the same anyways.

Because I could not possibly resist helping someone who deserved it so.

My silent scream was horribly loud.

* * *

I must apologize. I have gotten quite off track there, so please allow me to continue from where I first strayed.

So from then, I quickly apologized for making her uncomfortable.

The girl, with her head still bowed, stoically yet not stoically lifted the corners of her mouth ever so slightly.

She looked up and blinked. Once, twice, three times. It was at that awkward passage of time in which I felt that she was thanking me in a way.

Perhaps if it had been anyone else but me that had met the sky blue ocean that was her eyes, they might have thought that she was staring into their soul.

But when I looked at those slightly mismatched jewels, I saw something else entirely.

"あり" Blink. "がと"Blink. "先輩"

Blink.

So subtle and hidden, as if mocking me. So polite yet rude at the same time. An oxymoron within an oxymoron.

I only sighed and told her that nothing was wrong. Asking her why she'd thought I'd fallen ill, I also, so very discreetly, sent her a message.

"どうも"

It was a simple correction, as she seemed intent on addressing me formally. After all, a full sentence was better than an uneven, broken one.

The girl's hair swept forwards as she tilted her head back, the threads of gold flying into the air as if there was a wind.

She let out a small chuckle, her eyes peering up at me. Or rather, down. Up? From her angle, I suppose that she would be looking downwards. I however, was taller than her by almost a head taller; I'd guess around 17 centimeters?

So perhaps she was looking up at me, as she was meeting my eyes.

"誰も知りませんですか?"

She seemed to say.

I laughed along with her, for she was correct. Who really cared? This is a world where humanity is in permanent wartime quarantine to the point where politics were barely on the minds of the people.

So it was then that I became well acquainted with the girl. We'd laugh at the bitter jokes we made about reality and make up little schemes to appease the ever-growing tension between us.

Because we knew from the very start that it was all a fake. I was an actor and she was a fraud. Yet we were 'friends' that had miraculously taken a liking to each other despite being enemies as fate stated it to be.

She reminded me of Amon Koutaro in a way.

A fake; and imposter.

"さて、始めましょうこの偽物語です。"

And I laughed bitterly, without any trace of happiness in my voice.

An 'impostory', huh?

* * *

I don't know when it started. I don't know why I decided to do this.

I only know that I decided to write a journal.

Perhaps I wanted to be a writer; perhaps I only wished for someone to understand me.

No, I only wanted someone so save me.

I'm so utterly selfish that I'm impressed at how I've haven't poisoned myself and choked on my own blood.

I wrote with Japanese characters that nobody could read. That nobody could understand.

That nobody can save.

Out of pure habit, I left a hoard of mini notes written on the thin margins of the journal or the in-between that lay between each column of unreadable words I laid down.

"助けて"

I wrote over and over.

My thin strokes became rushed and messy. My neat handwriting becoming nothing more than a scrawl.

Save me save me save me save me save me save me save me save me save me.

I'm being eaten from the inside out. There is a worm in my stomach drilling an ulcer into my intestines. There is blood filling my lungs with bacterial pneumonia infections.

Wait, wait, wait a minute. It doesn't work that way.

I feel sick, so I rush over to the bathroom and hurl in the bucket.

Relief washes over me for a split second, before nausea drags me back down again.

I need air. This room was suffocating me, the mustiness smothering me and the heat baking me alive even though it felt like winter was well on its way.

I was being buried alive buried alive buried alive…

I clawed at the closed window, my nails ripping away chunks of wood. Was it locked? No matter, I'll just break it open and let Levi do the cleaning.

Before I even had the chance to do that, I found fresh air billowing in from the now-open window.

"There you go, Kaneki-senpai."

I turned around, adrenaline draining out of my body as I prepared to thank who ever snapped me out of such a wretched state.

"I apologize for taking up your time, soldier. Please return to your assigned duties as I—"

My bow was stopped short when a package of meat was shoved into my hands.

A sweet smell wafted in my nasal cavity. I salivated a little, but did not let it show.

Human meat.

"Where did you get this? I—"

"Eat now, ask questions later."

I slowly peeled back the package.

Blood and tissue and death and organs.

I stared and stared and stared and stared.

A pain gnawed at my hollow stomach.

It came from the vacant hole I'd created when I'd emptied the contents of all the flesh I've recently eaten into a bucket.

"Well, what are you waiting for?"

I stared at it some more, and sank my teeth into the meat.

I felt my larger than normal incisors slice apart the flesh effortlessly and I felt disgusted with myself.

I relaxed a bit as I lifted the parcel away from my bloodstained mouth. I let myself teeter backwards and fall onto my rigid bed.

I was surprised at how tense I was prior to eating. When did I become so sensitive?

White locks splattered the area around my head and I fidgeted with a stray strand.

The pure whiteness of my hair made me seem more innocent that I should be and I hate it. It makes me even more of a monster than I already am.

"My answer, please," I requested.

"Hmm? What do you mean?" _she_ responded.

"The meat. It's not possible for a squad leader to acquire this, much less someone in your situation."

"Oh."

She smiled. A creepy smile.

It was creepy not because it was joyful; in fact it was a mirthless, empty smile.

That was what scared me the most.

Not that it scared me very much, but any other person would undoubtedly be if they had come to the same realization that I had.

"I just have reliable friends, is all," She answered cheerfully. It was ominous, the kind of ominous that is the smile of a bloodstained murderer who had killed and smiled without regret.

The curious thing is that it is without doubt that she was not one of miserable wenches but it is I that am.

It was like looking at a mirror and finding my reflection moving about and impersonating me.

"That is not possible. I believe not even Erwin could so easily acquire _human meat_ for a _monster_ to eat."

_And the King of Monsters at that_, I added in my mind.

"Hmm? Better believe it then, Cannibal. The evidence's right in front of you!"

I frowned at her unsatisfactory answer, but nevertheless let her be.

I sat up and dug my teeth into the bloodied flesh once more.

With every slice in the flesh my jagged teeth make, I flinch. With every squirt of blood that filled my mouth, I wince.

With every chunk of flesh tumbling down my throat, I grimace.

And with every swallow, I smile.

The brave, uncaring girl before me looks on as if intrigued. Her eyes follow my movements, face blank; as if seemingly unaffected by the gory performance I was putting on.

Even though she kept shifting her weight from one leg to the other.

Even though she looked at my forehead and not my mouth.

It was wonderfully heart-wrenching but strangely disturbing in the way that I am disgusted, but not because of hatred.

But not because of love either.

It was simply amusing to me, yet I was at the same time strangely apathetic.

"How hypocritical of you," I mused, "_Grace_."

"True, true," she paused, "I wonder how you found out."

"Where did you get _Grace_ from anyways? You know that's not my name."

I waved it off with a simple, "Never mind."

"It was quite obvious to me. There was quite a lot of evidence from what I could gather."

Grace laughed, throwing her head back as if she had no care in the world.

She smiled, "You're sharp, Kaneki-senpai. Almost _too_ smart. You have a death wish or something?"

I didn't respond, only watching her chuckle at her own ill-presented joke. I suppose she hit a little too close for comfort.

"I suppose that's what I like so much about you," she stated as she turned towards the open window she was leaning on before.

Once again, I decided to remain silent.

I assume she took my lack of response for shock, for she said, "Not in that way, senpai. I'm quite surprised you thought so.

I pursed my lips at that.

"Care to elaborate?"

Grace swiftly snapped her head in my direction, her eyes apathetic but somehow fierce.

"You intrigue me, senpai. Even in the midst of this wretched and ugly world, you still manage to be so utterly _beautiful_."

"Beautiful? I don't believe anybody's thought that of me," I frowned. I don't really understand; how can someone with so much blood staining my hands be of all things, _beautiful_?

She started to pace around my room, her hands held up in front of her as if she was staring at a huge diamond.

"Let's say that one day the moon cracked into seven chunks of hulking rock, and no one knows how or why that happened. Then, a horrible catastrophe occurs due to this incident and millions die, the world we knew erased in one clean swipe."

She stopped walking, her hands dropping to her sides.

"People would call it a disgusting, horrible and overall _ugly_ event; I however would call it beautiful. I'm sure you understand."

She tilted her head towards be, her azure eyes glistening in the fading afternoon light.

I didn't reply; my face pulled tight and stoic. My hands were momentarily clenched into tight fists, but they of course relaxed themselves as I really should not be bothered by her monologue.

Because I agreed with her in some strange way. Because I somehow disagreed with her in another strange way.

Because my eccentric indecision made me utterly sick for another outlandish reason.

It was beautiful yet it was horrible.

Because I knew that I was the 'event' that she referred to. Because I was the unknown reason as to how and why the moon shattered.

It was like that that I suddenly came to fully understand what she meant.

This graceful prayer that knew more about death than death itself.

And for that I pity the poor fool.

* * *

I already knew how it would end.

Why did I keep believing?

Why did I go along in that puppet show despite knowing I could sever the threads holding me up anytime I wanted?

Why did I desperately hoped that the puppet master way up high would give me mercy and spare me the pain?

To think I'd acted like a loyal lapdog believing in something that I'd ever get. To think I'd believed in a promise that I knew was a lie since the very beginning.

Pathetic. Pathetic, pathetic, pathetic.

I was so utterly pathetic that it gnawed at my rotting heart and ate away at the edges of my empty sockets.

I was a corpse. A corpse that refused to rot and became immortal.

They swirled around her and pinned her down.

"The Titan is breaking free! Capture it!"

I was a corpse that got back up even though my ribs stuck out of my flesh and my digits were falling apart.

More than dirt but less than a shikigami.

"It's heading for the Reiner Braun! Do not let it take him!"

I could only watch in despair as my eye popped back into my sockets. I could only cry tears of anguish the powder from my bones flew back into my stumps and became my fingers and toes.

I felt disgusted at the tendons that stitched themselves back together.

It was as if they were laughing at sheer desperation _she_ was letting off as she desperately tried to save the life of her former comrade, and as much as she hated to admit it, her friend.

The sheer desperation that nobody saw but me.

I sank into the ground, thrashing wildly as I searched for air. Dirt filling my lungs. Blood leaking out of my eyes.

It was then that "I'd only just noticed how my scarred wrist, courtesy of those times I gave into my longing for death, is now covered in dirty tea-colored streaks."

"死にたくて、死にたくてそっと

"間違って傷をつけた手首は、いっしたか、

"茶色く汚れてる。。。"

I sang softly as I etched those words into a side of a building.

The dirt spilled out of _my_ shirt; _my_ pants; _my_ pockets. From inside of me to outside of me it came.

Feeling lightheaded, I leaned against that pillar filled with my scrawled hand writing. The blunt blade clattered to my side as a slid to the floor and risked a look towards my companion.

No, _she_ was my friend. No matter how fake her lies were, no matter flimsy her promises were, the words that she spoke to me were those of none but a friend.

I could only hope for a nightmare to wake me up from.

* * *

_18 hours after the Titan sighting  
Castle Utgard_

I only stood there along with his comrades as the senior officers descended upon the invading Titans.

It wasn't because of shock or fear that glued me in to the stone stile of this tower. Rather, I stood there mainly due to the fact that all my comrades did so.

It made me quite curious as to what would happen if I rushed out there to help them.

True, I do not have the 3d Maneuver Gear equipped on me. But I could always use my kagune.

How would everybody act if I dashed out, my kakugan activated and my kagune slicing through the Titans' flesh like butter?

How would they react to the countless eyes and mouths that spawned on the sides of my inky black blades?

I covered my mouth and looked down, hiding a sly smile that somehow found its way onto my facial features.

"The door… They've broken the door!"

A higher-ranking officer sped into view, her blades held up.

"Titan's got inside the tower!" she announced, "You go deeper inside and set up a barricade to defend against them! Hurry up!"

"Our 3D gear will be useless indoor. If your defenses get breached…," she paused for a breath, "and worst comes to worst, run back here…*"

"We can't guarantee we'll be able to save you in time, though…," at this point, the officer was more or less talking to herself.

She muttered, "We don't even know if _we'll_ be alive by then… Too many of them still left… I'm not sure our gas and blade supplies can last long enough…"

The officer whose name I didn't know snapped her head to look back at them, her eyes fierce.

"But that won't change the one thing you all gotta do: Keep fighting as long as you're still breathing!" She shouted, "GOT IT?!"

Everyone else, spurred on by her words, let out a unanimous "ROGER!" in reply. I smiled again, silently laughing at how the depressing words that were said before bypassed all their heads.

We ran down the stairs, Reiner leading the way. He snatched a torch from the wall and said, "I'll go check how deep titans have already penetrated into the tower!"

"And you guys go find—"

I shook my head, "No, I'll go with you. More security."

He looked as if he was going to protest, but relented, probably deciding that that it was better to not waste time.

"The rest of you, go find planks, sticks, _anything_, and bring it here!" At that, everyone sprinted off to their respective areas that they had mentally assigned themselves to. I looked on for a bit before picking up my pace once more.

Reiner had sped down the stairs ahead of me. He was urgently waving his hand, ushering me on.

I sighed at his reckless actions but followed after him.

After a bit of running and subtlety utilizing the bare minimum of my ghoul strength, I caught up to Reiner.

He was reaching to very bottom of what seemed to be a stairwell to the dungeons, and was facing a very fragile-looking door.

True, it was bolted, but it's too time-worn to hold. The Titans will easily smash it in.

As Reiner was opening the door to see whether the dungeons have been claimed by the Titans yet, I heard somewhat heavy breathing.

"Reiner! Don't open—" I shouted in warning. However, I was a minute too late, for Reiner had swung open the door to reveal what seemed to be a 3 or 4 meter Titan.

Reiner slammed the door shut in a panic, the torch he had been holding clattering at his feet. I picked up the bolt he had laid on the floor earlier and shoved it back into place.

We leaned against the door, pushing backwards as the door suddenly lurched forwards. We barely managed to hold it back… without the help of my ghoul strength as I had decided to save it in case they did break in.

"What should we do? We need to alert the others but the two of us barely managed to hold this thing back… Maybe shouting will help. The walls are empty so sound should echo right?" he rambled.

I lifted one hand off the door and onto his shoulder.

"You go, I can hold this thing back," I told him. I hadn't planned on using my ghoul strength this soon but it seems that I have no choice.

"No, you go. I have more strength than you but you're faster than me," he reasoned.

I wanted to argue back that I could hold the Titan back (with my inhuman strength, but he being on my watch list didn't need to know that), but I never had the chance to.

A giant hand shot out of the wood right between us and started to swing around, attempting to grab one of us.

Suddenly, it became increasingly hard to hold the door without using my ghoul strength.

"GO!" I screamed at him, "Even if he breaks in I'll be fine; go get the others!"

Reiner hesitated, but began to let go of the door. The pressure on the door augmented once more, and I let my bangs hide the kakugan I was starting to form.

"REINER!"

I looked up, my kakugan dissipating when I noticed Bertolt charging in with a pitchfork. I dodged as the Titan's ugly face smashed through the door and Bertolt's pitchfork sailed just 2 inched over my head and into its eyes.

Reiner helped Bertolt shove the fork into the Titan's brain and we all relaxed, a little shaken by the encounter.

"Reiner, Ken; are you guys okay?!"

Reiner let out a surly "yeah".

"How many times did I tell you not to call me that, Bertolt?" I mumbled as I leaned on the wall to catch my breath.

Bertolt paid me no head as Reiner had turned to him, saying, "We survive and without fail, return to our home town."

"Yeah, we will!" he replied. I chuckled a bit at this touching exchange.

"How did you know we needed help?" I asked. I couldn't help but be a little curious about how he conveniently showed up to stab the Titan.

"Ah yes… I heard a loud bang downstairs and came to check. And besides, Reiner's got a habit where he tries to take everything on by himself, even though it's not training anymore but the real thing," he explained. I stared at him for a bit, but slowly nodded, accepting his answer. It made sense, although a little bit fishy.

I'm not sure however if I was happy or sad that the others finally decided to show up with a large cannon.

"Hey… Isn't that a…" Reiner said, sweat sliding down his brow.

"What about gunpowder?! And cannon balls?!" he quickly asked.

"We got _none_ of that! That's why we'll be giving you _this whole thing_!" Ymir shouted back at him.

"Outta the way, you three!"

We dashed to the side as they shoved the cannon down the stairs. It descended at an alarming rate, slamming straight into the Titan and knocking it out cold.

"Great. The door's broken," I sighed exasperatedly.

"Looks like it somehow worked though… By way of miracle…"

"Yeah…"

"This Titan probably won't get up now…"

"Dwarfed by that cannon, eh?"

Krista stuttered, "F-for now, let's all retreat to the upper floor." She started back up the stairs, and we followed after her.

"If one Titan found its way in, the others will follow…" She trailed off as she looked behind us.

I looked back as well, and noticed another Titan looming over Connie.

I yelled, "Connie!"

He turned around to see a huge face leaning down on him. Paralyzed by the shock, he stood there unable to move.

I dove into him, my hands wrapping around his stomach and pushing him out of the way. The Titan's mouth clamped down on my right leg, snapping the bone and tissue. I, however, didn't notice the pain over concern for my comrade.

Reiner rammed into the side of the Titan's face, which luckily distracted it enough for Connie and I run to safety. Well as best as I could on one leg.

"You okay?" Reiner shouted. I didn't get a chance to answer as the Titan had set its sights on Reiner and was currently attempting to bite his head off.

He quickly blocked with his arm on impulse and lifted the Titan over his shoulders. His arm was sucked into its mouth in a painful-looking lock.

I saw him hobble with difficulty towards the window, and couldn't help but ask, "Reiner, you can't be planning to jump out of the window together with it?!"

Reiner lifted one foot out the window and replied, "What _other_ choice _do_ I have?!"

"No wait!" Connie dashed after him, knife in hand, "If I cut his jaw muscles—"

_He won't make it_, I realized.

Deciding that it wasn't worth losing a comrade over this, I hastily let out a thin clawed 'hand' and sliced off all of the Titan's jaw muscles.

Once Reiner pulled his hand out of its mouth, I decapitated the thing and cut off an arm. It twitched, presumably in pain, before I proceeded to shove it out the open window.

My 'arm' threw the Titan's arm back towards me, in which I swiftly caught with the hand that wasn't supporting me on the wall.

I bit into it, savoring the taste before letting out a sharp "What?" at my spectators.

I stretched my regenerating leg (which had already grown back the bone and some tendons) before hopping my way back up stairs.

"You better take care of that door," I paused, before continuing my journey up the tower.

What a troublesome bunch.

* * *

**So another chapter is down… I'm very happy I managed to write 5,000 words (excluding the A/Ns). I apologize for the late chapter; I had quite a bit of things to do now that summer is here.**

**The moon thing is a reference to a book. Take a guess?**

**(*)The translation here was very rickety so I'm not entirely sure if he said to come back there.**

**I focused less on Kaneki's mentality and more on how he acts in that last part. I hope that it doesn't take away from the atmosphere that upper parts set in.**

**I ask again for my readers to please let me know whether I should revise (as in make better) my first chapter of this series. Because even _I_ know that it was a pile of shit. It's way too fast-paced and has way too many plot holes. Not to mention the line where Kaneki says that he's happy to breathe air again and feel the grass (it directly contradicts Kaneki's wish to die in style). Now that I think about it, I'm being a bit too nice. Maybe I should just change it whether or not you guys want to keep it or not, since you guys obviously do not care enough about the story to actually read my A/Ns. For those who do, go and answer the poll at the top of my profile page please.**

**No review answers because apparently nobody gives a fuck about that shit.**

**Thanks to KainVixenheim and ANekoForMe for the help and support. Neko did the beta while Kain helped me with how beta reading works (Can I call you guys that?). Also, Kain, I'm sorry for being so confusing… I was asking you about how it works, not actually asking you to beta read because I said Neko would do this chapter… Hope you forgive me ;_;**


	10. Notice

Notice to all my lovely devoted readers:

I HAVE DECIDED TO PUT THIS STORY ON HAITUS.

This is mainly due to the newest Shingeki no Kyojin chapter, where Eren and the others finally reach his basement (salty Levi is best Levi btw). The revelation that was presented to us readers in the last page changes many things. I believe that I should wait for one or two more chapters to come out before continuing my story. Of course, I already have a chapter in production. I plan to post that hopefully by the end of the month. School has started for me and it's rough.

* * *

**_!SPOILER ALERT!_**

* * *

Slight discussion about the newest chapter: You can skip this if you aren't caught up with the manga (why are you here if you aren't caught up tho?).

So basically humanity is not extinct at all and is living quite well outside the Walls. They have more advanced technology than those inside the Wall (the photograph was proof) and now I find that there are many theories being thrown around. Some say that this was some kind of experiment, and others say things like disease control and war imprisoning. In all honesty, I don't exactly give a rat's tail about what other people think. As most of my readers can see, I'm not exactly a huge fan of Canon Divergence. I like to stick to the given plots, and if that's pretty much impossible, I'll somehow twist the events that happened and make it the plot (wink, wink, nudge, nudge).

There was a leak in the manga ending before (although it was very vague and didn't include this chapter's revelation) but now that I see this, I'm starting to believe that Isayama-san changed the ending he originally wanted due to the leak. I'm not going to explain what the leak was, as it was all in Japanese and I don't believe it was ever translated before it got taken down (thanks that Japanese isn't that different from Chinese; I can read some of it), but it makes lots of sense that Isayama will change the ending. I wonder how many people that can read Japanese learned the ending.

* * *

**_!SPOILER ALERT END!_**

* * *

If you guys really do want me to keep writing chapters despite the revelation, I cannot promise you that they will be as long or symbolic as the latest chapters are. Without future information to make references to, there will be a lot less variety of symbolism, and therefore a decrease in chapter size. I feel bad to be writing not as good quality chapters, so I truly do not wish to continue on.

Also, Can people **_PLEASE_** for the love of white chocolate (yes, I like it. Don't like it? Well too bad) freakin' **_ANSWER THE FUCKING POLL?_** My fucking god, how hard is it to go and click 4 times. Click my profile page, click the poll on the top, click your answer, and click enter. THAT'S FUCKING IT. Now go and do it, my "_devoted_" and "_supportive_" readers.

Sorry, I got a little too far there. I'm tired of waiting months for a decent answer, not to mention AP World History is a burden. I have computer issues and has to wake up like 6 in the morning to make it in time for class (starts 7:45). Cut me some slack, will you?

Please be considerate to me. Thank you.


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